Relationships Teach Us Who We Are
Healing always starts in the individual mind. Relationship therapy becomes necessary as we practice what we have learned about ourselves, taking in and giving essential feedback. I work with couples at every stage of their relationship; before they meet, when they first meet, if they marry, when they make the decision to have kids, and later as they grow in maturity and deeper love with each other.
The work of relationships is to increase our capacity for self-awareness, trust, honesty, respect, acceptance and tolerance of others. Once accomplished, this work inevitably leads to lives filled with compassion, forgiveness, effortless generosity, gentleness, and joy.
- I teach people how to have realistic expectations in their relationship, clearing away distorted beliefs which allows their interest and passions to thrive.
- I help couples learn how to create a blended vision for their lives together; they realize they can dream again and set their sites on what their most satisfying romantic relationship would be and achieve it!
- I help people create healthy emotional flexibility in their relationships. Through learning and practicing respectful communication they realize many of their needs can be met. When they start to realize their partner can’t meet all of their needs, they learn how to begin meeting their own needs without resentment but with a sense of self-empowerment.
- I give couples feedback on what I see their individual challenges to be, helping them to create realistic goals they can each take responsibility for.
- I teach people how to express anger as well as all of their feelings to each other, and finish the conversation realizing a deeper connection to each other.
Unresolved conflicts and stalemates in a relationship point back in time to early unresolved traumas experienced. Rather than coming into therapy ready to blame your partner for what you are not getting, reflect on how you first learned to do relationships. What did you think your role was and how are you now feeling and behaving as a result of those beliefs?
This is not light work. It will often take you to the limits of what you think you can or should endure in relationships. It will test your grit. And that’s precisely when you know that you are on the right path. Those who think they just “have to learn how to communicate better”, please think again. If it were that easy you most likely would have done it by now!
Elisa M. Thomas
Doing this work requires self-discipline and practice, just like anything else you choose to be better at in life.
Each day, trying to be a better partner than you were the day before. The rewards will be many with each person feeling more seen, honored and an essential part of a very intimate team.
If you would like to begin the work of deepening your relationships call or email me to make an in-person or video appointment TODAY!
“We appreciate Elisa’s practical attitude and advice. She can identify and clarify issues and help us work toward resolving them in a non-threatening environment. She is flexible on scheduling and very professional.”
AR and DO January 2013
“At our initial meeting for marriage counseling with Elisa, we at once felt comfortable and an almost tangible feeling of love and care. Over the weeks, her observations, suggestions and yes, assignments, were spot on in their effectively transforming our formerly contentious relationship to one of understanding, not having to win, real listening and beyond all else effective communication and bottom line, love. No, neither of us is related to her nor had we ever met her or heard of her prior to early this year. We are also not being paid any sort of gratuity to write this. These are simply our heartfelt observations.”
NB and PB June 2012
Call or make an in-person or video appointment with me today!