What we focus on, we create more of.
Your stance in your relationships is the key to creating more of what you want. If you focus on creating more peace and nothing else, you will. Nothing else rises to the importance of honesty, peace and day-to-day tranquility. Whenever we get to a place with someone where we think we “know” something, where we have an investment in being “right”, that’s a signal that our ego is in the way. It will stay in the way until we remove it.
As long as we have an investment in “knowing something” or “being right” about something, we will not have peace. Being “right” is a sign that we have abandoned the willingness to learn something new, becoming inflexible.
How do we become more flexible and remove our egos from these interactions?Realize that in a relationship you really care about, you know nothing! The other person is the expert when it comes their reality, their feelings, their thoughts. Listen to them and they will tell you what is true. Don’t make assumptions but if you do, take responsibility for what you have done. Don’t try to place that responsibility on them, as if what you took from the interaction was a fact.
When you realize that you know nothing about the other person, either their intentions, the meaning they give things or what they were thinking or feeling, ..when you can become curious about them, that is when peace returns to the relationship and understanding has a chance to grow. The part of you that is so invested in “being right” is your ego. Ego will take down relationships if you let it. Its whole orientation is about being separate, an individual, being alone. Its intention is not to create intimacy or to nurture a relationship but to try to convince you how separate, “special” and different you are. Your ego will not bring you peace. It reacts to fear and often attacks you and others you want a relationship with, pretty much guaranteeing that intimacy will not happen.
Peace will come to those who truly want it and realize their need for it above all else. Leave room in your relationships to learn and grow, for love and understanding someone who may at first, seem different.
Focus on understanding and peace, not “being right.” You don’t have to prove anything. We already know you are an intelligent and sensitive person.
Practice this and you will create more of what you truly want in your relationships.
Isn’t that what really matters?